Always.

I’ve been reading, re-reading, and editing the first two chapters of Origin for hours.  I find myself asking “what the fuck was I think?” a lot during the revision process.  I’m stressed about the amount of suck I’ve produced.  It’s a real bummer, because I walked away from what I wrote in the first two chapters a few weeks ago thinking it was great.

Trying to participate in Nation Novel Writing Month was a mistake for me, I think.  It wasn’t the trying to write the novel that was the mistake, it was the trying to keep up with/exceed the word count each day.  I feel as though I ended up just writing to have enough words, and it really took a toll on the quality.  I’m going to have to really take an ax to chapter three, that much is certain.

But in other writing news, I’ve been working a lot on I Will Find You Again which is going to be included in the “romance” anthology.  [Excerpt after the break.]

Jordan and Bailey are really different than Molly and Tanner and the other couples I’ve written about, considering they aren’t a romantic couple — they’re best friends.  But the point of the story for me was to show that sometimes the love you have for your friend(s) may be the most important love you experience.

Excerpt One: 

            Once it came time to choose colleges, we ultimately picked the same one.  I chose to double major in biology and psychology, with the intent of moving on to medical school.  Jordan double majored as well, with his chosen fields being psychology and criminal justice.  It was his dream to be a forensic psychologist, working along with the justice system to profile criminals and testify in big court cases.  We often joked about how I could go on to become a medical examiner, leading us to become our own sort of “law and order” team.  The two of us were both full of ambition and excitement at the possibilities that lay ahead of us.  We had the world right at our feet and we were ready to conquer it.

            The first two years of university flew by without a hitch.  Jordan and I made new friends and participated in school activities.  We were busy, of course, but we both pulled off perfect grade point averages.  The classes we took were challenging, but they were also inspiring, and they fueled our drive.  Every new experience we had under our belts was exciting, and being able to do so much together only made it better.  Jordan was the piece of home I got to bring with me on my journey to the next part of my life.  We were striving and succeeding.  Everything was going great in our little world.

Excerpt Two:

            It felt like years had gone by before Jordan’s results came in to his physician.  She scheduled an immediate appointment with him, which I went to with him and Meredith.  I will never forget the morning spent in that office.  I can clearly recall the silence in the room as we waited, and the tension that rose as Dr. Flynn entered the room.  I can still hear Meredith’s cry when the word “leukemia” passed the doctor’s lips.  Above all, I’ll never forget the composure that Jordan kept.  The way he held his mother and the way he squeezed my hand, not to comfort himself, but to comfort me.  There he was, being my rock while being dealt information that came with the force of an avalanche.  Those moments in that office embody what Jordan had always been to me, and what I knew I needed to be for him.

            The days that followed brought with them a harsh reality.  The spring semester was creeping up, and I knew that for the first time, I would be facing it without Jordan.  I felt selfish for being afraid of going back alone, especially considering why Jordan would not be coming back.  But I kept the optimistic thought in my head that he would be as good as new come summer, and that fall would bring with it a sense of renewed normality.  I needed to believe that it would all be okay.  I needed to make myself believe that the disease was just a hurdle that could be jumped and cleared given some time.